Learning

This month I learned what it is like to not have enough money for the basics. The fates collided and most of our "extra" money went to new clothes for Ally. Which was really fun to go and get, by the way. So I had to choose, what was more important.

Here was my list:
Tide
Fabric Softener
Night Diapers for Ally
Wipes
Sandwich bags
Gallon bags

Recently I have had to add size four undies for Ally.

I was able to get the Fabric Softener and diapers for Ally. And I THOUGHT I had a plan for the wipes and undies.

Sidenote:
It turns out that the Bishops Storehouse has clothes. Which helps a lot. They just didn't have everything that Ally needed. Like shirts. I thought they had underwear and wipes, but they didn't have undies in Ally's size. And they don't have wipes. Strange. But I am so glad that we can get pants and socks there. I can't believe it! We are so lucky!

So this is just interesting, trying to decide what to do. I am conserving the Tide I have, but with Easter and two birthday's looming, this is a little intimidating. I'm gearing up to tell Elijah he isn't having a birthday party this year. This won't go well.

Okay, I didn't make this list to show people how poor we are. More because I finally understand that some people really CAN'T get everything they need, and lets not even get into wants right now. THAT list is a lot longer. We have our money planed out perfectly. So as long as we don't have any unexpected surprises, we are fine. Of course there are always surprises, which included:

Registering the Car
New Windshield
CHIP Payment
Liability Insurance

Thanks to some help, we have paid those things. I'm just finding it interesting. We have been able to get just about everything because a parent or some random friend or another felt like they should: send money, give gifts, bring food, or drop off something. And let me tell you. We have needed all of it. Every little bit. And right at the moment they sent it.

Also, I haven't written about any of this, because I don't want people to think I'm asking for help. But I also don't want to forget what it feels like, to not be able to just go and get what I need. We have always found a way. But this time...we are just waiting until a little more money clears up. Or Karyn's rent check comes in. (How I live for those rent checks, which aren't really rent checks, so much as charity on her part, because I would love to let her be here for free...)

Anyway. I am just pondering and thinking. Has anyone else been in this position? And I don't mean the not getting everything you want. Or just putting away money until you can save for what you want. But the pure desperation that makes you put off doctors appointments because you know you can't pay for them, put off car repairs, because who knows where that money would come from or the feeling of wondering where you will get food for the week?

This is true desperation. My was I a judgmental slug before.