The Good Wife’s Guide

As I spend my time hopping from blog to blog, I am finding some interesting things. I found this little guide, which I have admittedly seen before. But I can't resist the urge to editorialize about it.

The Good Wife’s Guide

From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed. (Honestly, I don't see much wrong with this. I think that unless a woman is working, she should try to do this. Of course, this can't always happen. Sometimes life happens and husbands need to realize, dinner doesn't always get done it time. Matt is very good about this. He will often make dinner for me!)
  
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. (I'm sorry, this just seems silly to me. I think this fictional husband needs to be grateful that I got dinner on the table. If I have messy, ratty hair and boogers all over my shirt, he can be safe in the knowledge I am working just as hard as he is.)
  
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. (Sure I can do this, providing he does the same. I may need a little lift from my duties as well.)
  
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. (Okay, I do this throughout the day. I'm not sure if I would have the time to do this and cook dinner and freshen up before he comes in the door. Realistic? I think not.)
  
• Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables. (Now they want me dusting as well? And why is this any different then the last one? It's not. I'm sorry, I dust on Saturday, and that is it.)
  
• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. (ROFL! A fire? hahahaha! A FIRE? Next they are going to want me to massage his back and feet and fluff his pillow! What about me? I've been watching the kids all day. If I light the fire, I just have to put it out, because apparently he is too tired to do it. Although I have no problem with my house being a haven. For everyone.)
  
• Prepare the children. take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. ( Nooo...is this a joke? I have to make the children behave so he wants to be around them? HAHAHAHA! Well that ain't happening. When daddy walks through the door they run to greet him, because they are excited to see him. There is nothing quiet about it.)
  
• Be happy to see him. (Actually, I'm totally cool with this one.)
  
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. (Check, I think I've basically got this one down. I love seeing my husband!)
  
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. (WHAT??? Let him talk first? Next he is going to be telling me what to think!!! Were women from this time period doormats? You've got to be kidding me.)
  
• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. (So every night is supposed to be dedicated to him? That seems fair. Being a mother isn't pressure at all. And I'm sorry, Matt goes to the Cheesecake Factory without me, he's going to know I'm sad.)
  
• Your goal: try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. (Sure, as long as I can too!)
  
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems. (I admit this isn't the best way to walk in the door, but there have been times I have needed help with a bleeding child or disciplining a child. So I don't kill them. This doesn't always work for me.)
  
• Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. (WHAT? If he's late and doesn't tell me before hand, he is going to hear about it. Am I not allowed to worry? Or express concern?)
  
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair of have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. (Sure honey, sit down, relax. I will clean and watch the children, finish dinner, clean the house, straighten my hair and make you a drink while you just SIT THERE. Doing nothing. Do you want me to get the paper? No wait, now it would be powering up the laptop for you?
  
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. (I think it is official. Any woman who could actually do all these things, willingly was a Stepford wife. Or crazy.)
  
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. (This woman is crazy. If any Matt said this to me in all seriousness he would be living his life without me. Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership?)
  
• A good wife always knows her place. (Like a dog? Can I tell you how much I hate this?)

I'm so glad Matt is none of these things. I think I would have to kill him if he was. He understands the pressures of being a mom and helps me out when he is able. I really appreciate it.