Kari and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I am an idiot. I am a HUGE idiot. Just smack me on the forehead. I am a horrible mother also. I have also been a busy idiot. Let me tell you why.

Warning, may not be appropriate for some readers.

My story starts like this:
Several months ago when my sister moved I promised to come see her in Bountiful. No big deal. Except school got in the way and I had to pull out on her in April. So I promised I would come as soon as Elijah got out of school. So the first Tuesday Elijah was out of school, we went.

Me, my mom, Karyn, Elijah, Ally and Lauren all took off to go to Aunt Heather's house for swimming at her nice apartment. Lauren, however, woke up dry heaving. But after the third bout of throw up this month, I suspected she was reacting to milk or something like Ally. With plans on talking to the doctor next month, we set off to Bountiful. We got each of the kids Happy Meals and they ate them with glee.

The drive up was pretty fun, until, Lauren exploded. Or rather the Happy meal exploded out of her. Projectile vomit is interesting, the first time. But wait, that will spoil my story. I really think, "Oh, Lauren and her sensitive stomach. She must be carsick." Stupid, stupid, stupid. We go and meet Heather, with my now naked baby in tow. As soon as we get there, I see Heather outside, holding her niece, Jane, both decked out in their bathing suits. I also notice the storm blowing in, which is about the time Heather suggested we go to the Bountiful Rec center. It looked like a good idea.

We go and start swimming. Elijah was great with only a minor incident where he forgot to not wear his underwear swimming. So he had no underwear for later is the bad part, otherwise I wouldn't have cared. Commando anyone? Lauren didn't throw up in the pool. She just spent the whole time with a slightly traumatized look on her face. But Ally gets the prize for making the swimming experience the most horrible. She "dumped a load" in the pool. That is right, after all the warnings about kids and pools, MY daughter poops. Now she wasn't sick, but I have never been so horrified. I kept imagining the lifeguards trying to strong arm us out of town. So I sent her off to Heather's house. I kept on swimming. Trying to ignore the thought of Ally's poop water. That is what chlorine is for right?

Once we get to Heather's house. My easily tired sister was collapsed on the couch. Lauren proceeds to take a nap. She is woken up by the heaves and lets loose the contents of the pool. Then she messes her pants. In a very liquidous way. At this point I am thinking uh-oh. No no no. My little girl is sick! (Forehead smack applied now.) We'd better go home. But my baby is still naked, so I stop of Kmart and buy a couple of outfits for the ride home. The second was my fail safe. "Just in case" throws up again. Silly Kari.

About halfway home she turned into the human geyser. There was vomit everywhere. At this point she is in the second outfit AND covered with a towel. We eventually make it home and everything I give Lauren is projected out. 7-up, water, bread, pedialite all comes back to say hi. All evening long. I was washing clothes, towels and a car seat all night. About 9 pm she develops a fever that Tylenol wouldn't touch.

She has the heaves all night and is writhing in agony. So after three hours of sleep, I take the kids to swimming lessons. (Not Lauren, I learned my lesson. Idiot yes, moron no.) So after accomplishing nothing but comforting my daughter, I have a headache, my house has fallen apart and my baby is still sick.

On a good note, Ally finally started dance. She was such a doll. She had so much fun with the little girls. I'm sure the grace will come later.